“I’m in a situation with my mom (late 70s), and I’d appreciate your help. We used to be semi-close, but since I have had kids, she has checked out of being a person I can count on. She is barely able to be a grandmother and does not make an effort to get to know my kids. She seems very selfish. Maybe she was always like this and I never noticed until I became a mom. She’s not an addict or abusive, just self-centered and immature. She never asks me about myself, and when I do talk about myself, she mostly reacts by being anxious or confused. I don’t know how she functions in the world. But I am done making an effort to spend time with her, only to be disappointed. I don’t see why I should call her every week and fly across the country to visit her if our relationship is going to be totally one-sided. My brother disagrees with me and thinks I am being too hard on her. He wants the family to all get together and doesn’t see my side of things. Do I have a duty to be a ‘good daughter,’ or can I follow my gut?”

Read @kjezermo’s response to this + other parenting-related questions in the latest #Brooding column at the link in bio.

Illustration: @texchures