The other night, when @thisisvalmonroe inadvertently stumbled onto The Golden Bachelor upon opening her Hulu account, she wasn’t particularly interested in the programming.

“What did interest me, though,” she writes, “was all the teeth. I’ve never seen so many teeth on one screen. The size of the teeth! The mass! The dazzle! When I realized I was more distracted by teeth than by the overexposed boobage, I thought, That’s it: Teeth are the new boobs.”

Read more from the latest #HowNotToF*ckUpYourFace column at the link in bio.

Photo-Illustration: by The Cut; Photo: ABC